The Blues

 2nd month post delivery

When you need to cope with so many things/changes, at times you need to make some choices and sacrifices.

Prioritise what is most important and at that period was my baby & myself.

Hubby and the rest have been downgraded totally.

Not ideal but it was a choice for survival.

I believe this is a journey and parenthood is something we must embrace once our little one arrives. Everyone goes thru the same process and i just have to love doing it well.

You need to be selfless, continue to learn and expand your wings for your baby.

I was being told about Post Natal Depression & Baby Blues.

I monitored myself closely and keep evaluating IF I'm having it?

Until today, i believe NO as i was very cautious about it.

One thing which I am still not sure.
Verbally i shouted at my hubby I hate him

I was filled with anger towards him and my tears flow easily.

He was not fulfilling the expectations of a hubby & a daddy at that moment.
I hope to be appreciated , to be loved, to be defended and to be assisted without asking.
Guessed he was just as stressed due to the sudden change.

I want him to take ownership of our child, our family. To help around the house and not continue to depend on my mother in law.
It was his time, his responsibility and not others.

So, I hate him came from hormone or simple facts??

(Can never explain how hurtful it was to me as well)

Motherhood is tiring. Especially if you are breastfeeding your child.

The physical work itself is not difficult. It's the pro-longed broken sleep kills!

When my baby was on a 3 hourly feed, my sleep was never more than 2.5 hours straight.

You need to calculate the time used for washing & expressing milk.

Baby J has been bottle fed ebm since 1st month. This will ease the process when i send him to baby sitter and he will not need to re-adjust and that process can be painful to certain baby.

I found it much easier and faster to bottle feed ebm to Baby J than direct feed.

I just need to find the best way that works for myself.

I slept whenever i can. Housework & tidiness are the lowest priorities.
Hubby has made it clear he will not do night feed. He has to work.
It's alright since i'm not working.

My mum visited and stayed for a week with me. Miss her homecook food.

Have always been for the past 15 years since the day i left home. I'm such a fussy pot when it comes to home cook food.
It's not that I'm a good cook. I cant really cook!

Her cooking spoilt me.

Guess it's the same for everyone to love their mum's cooking! 

One thing i learnt was to enjoy frozen food!

I'm so grateful to my aunties continued to care and to cook for me.

When you do not have the luxury to enjoy hot food from the wok, frozen home cook food tasted equally delicious & satisfying.

Stew meat, soup, anything that can be frozen, i kept them spared.

I'm a blessed child and i cannot complain further.

I have a full of love mother in law who is our neighbour.

She puts in a lot of effort in preparing food for me. Since i need to consume a lot of protein for milk production, she prepared fish or kampung chicken daily.

Lunch and dinner were ready before she left for work.

To make things easier, i kept half of the food as dinner and reheat it when necessary.

You just need to adjust and make do with whatever convenient and easy during this period.

Picked my battle.
Personally i think it's alright as i'm not able to fulfill everyone's need.

Overall a good month for me and i'm falling in love with motherhood.



Baby J : 1 month old

Finally Baby J & mummy came home.
Grandma & daddy busy dispatching fullmoon gift to relatives, part of the traditional practice.
We kept things simple, no big celebration.

Baby J came home with a rented machine for his jaundice.

Mummy continue to monitor and light bath you hoping your jaundice will be over soon.

Mummy enjoyed every single moment spent with you at home.
I'm your newly hired maid : bath, feed, clean
Triple promotion as a mummy, a milk producer, an entertainer

Po Po chatting with Baby J

There were a lot of saying you look like uncle Tony. Mummy thought so too.
Sok Sok was so excited carrying you.
Please maintain a slim body ok.

Daddy was never a fan of wearing couple shirt.
You just made him did it with you.
He will be a yes man to you son!

Sophie the Giraffe, gift from aunty Renee

DIY bolsters from towel. Solid.

Gaya

My angel!

6 weeks old

Enjoying sun bathing.

So much in love with you!

7 weeks old.

Classic! You are so so cute when you cry!

You are growing so well boy.

Love your chubbiness.

Like father like son.

Kings of the house. Who's the slave??

At 1 month old

Baby J

Starting to be aware of his fingers

Tries lifting his head

Makes "ahh" "eeh" "guu"

Sleeps a lot, only wakes for milk

3.5 - 4 ounces of BM every 3 hours

Good at latching

100% drinking breast milk

Poo averagely 2 times a day

Still having jaundice

Overall good baby

Me

Produce 30-35 ounces of milk daily

40% direct feed, 60% bottle feed

Lack of sleeps

Eat a lot, Cry a lot

Losing pregnancy weight

Severe wrist pain on both hands

Tired mummy

Baby J : New Born

Welcome to this world my dearest baby J! Mummy loves you so much and the amount of joy & fulfilment you brought to us were hard to describe.
You are Special! You have been and will continue to be.

Born Aug 2012

Chinese Astrology : Water Dragon

Birth Weight : 2.598 kgs

Length : 46 cm
Delivery method : Cesarean Section

Baby J was settling well at the confinement home. He appeared to be the most pleasant baby.

Eat , Sleep , Poo

He was cooperative & it was easy for nannies.

Feeding time was accurate. Every 3 hours.

Was formula fed during night on the first 2 weeks until mummy increased her supply 

BUT, he dislike bathing

Loves mummy talking to him

Obtained a nick name : "Talk Talk"

(super cute)

Had pro-longed jaundice

Mummy worried to death

Lots of hospital visit

Re-admitted into hospital twice for UV lights

Mummy cannot bear the rough handling and re-admitted with Baby J on the 2nd session

Tested mummy's skill taking care Baby J

Daddy helped and accompanied

Mummy & Baby J

Aunty Ah Bee aka The Cook shaved him during full moon

No crying

Left confinement home weighing 4kgs

Still having jaundice

Traditional Confinement After Birth

I was discharged from the hospital on the 4th day and I checked straight into the confinement home. Yes, confinement home is a popular thing in Penang late years. When i knew about such facility, my first thought for my own confinement is to stay at home, with a confinement lady. To be near to my family and in my own comfort home. This is the real traditional way.

Things changed. When i got pregnant, this is one of the "must settle item" and you need to decide fast. This is due to good confinement lady (CL) is hard to be hired and the fact my baby born in dragon year, confinement home (CH) may not be available too.

Considering many factors, finally we decided to settle at CH instead of hiring CL. Not towards my liking.

Heard horror stories about CL.

• The new generation of CL only take care of mum & baby. What about hubby?
• Cleaning. CL will not perform house keeping. What happen to my kitchen when she cooks? We have a small place and our kitchen is attached to the living hall. Who's going to clean for me after each cooking?
• Marketing. The thoughts of troubling hub & mil, shopping list etc kills me. Knowing i will end up frustrated and angry
• Rest. You still need to help around especially when CL is cooking or washing.
• CL itself! If you are unlucky, you may get a lazy, non-pro BF and a tv addict CL
• Cost.  Not cheaper than CH

Nett of it, i wanted to be stressed free as i can foresee escalating pressure at home with a sudden change.

No Regret! I Love Confinement Homes. Given a choice again, i will make similar decision.

I stayed in De Garden Confinement Home, located 10 min aways from my home. It's a bungalow house located at this prime area - Island Glades Penang.

I found myself settling in after a day or two. I was extremely exhausted when i was discharged from the hospital. I not have been sleeping straight in the hospital due to breast feeding.

Why i will make similar decision again!

Breast Feeding Support

I have no alternative thoughts except for breast feeding my baby. My milk flow is not there and I'm super stressed with addition pressure from the nannies to feed formula! Behind me - they said my baby was fasting - 'puasa'. Breast feeding is really tough. The first night, i met a new mummy friend - Evelyn. She looks more like the lady boss than a mummy who has just gave birth. Gorgeous mum. It was nanny Baby who asked me to speak to Evelyn. Advising me to feed my baby with formula milk while I continue to establish my milk flow. They were right!

Evelyn advise was : you need to have a balance of   Eat, Drink, Rest & Stress Free so that your milk flow will come easily and successfully. Her immediate advise was sleep well tonight, let nanny feed some formula to your baby. Don't worry about those saying your baby will not direct latch once you introduce bottle to them. Based on her experience, mother of 2, it's not true. By the way, she's a nutritionist & she produces the most milk among mummies at this home.  That night, i had the most heavenly sleep - straight 4 hours!!

I was lucky. This group of mummies that i met super pro breast feeding. Especially both my room mates, they shared, encouraged, supported me during that desperate time. They will set alarm, pump middle of the night or every 3-4 hours without fail!  I was so encouraged!

There's nothing else you can do in a confinement home. Eat. Drink. Sleep. Pump Milk. 4 main duties!

4th day - stressed with the flow

Friends

It's all about babies & mummies talk! I am blessed to meet a group of nice mummies. We still keep contact until now.

Love both my room mates! Easy going, accommodating & friendly people. 3 of us had boys. And our room just next to the nursery room. We get the privileged to hear baby gossips! And mummies having fun guessing who is singing!

Left to Right : 3B mummy, 3C mummy, 3A mummy - me

Gorgeous mummies (2nd gathering)

Food

Wow!  Really felt at home. Food was heaven and that's how i increased my appetite until now. Just managed to snap a few photos as memories. The cook really put in effort in cooking for mummies, came in big portion. Meals scheduled on 8am, 11am, 1pm, 5pm, 8pm. Your stomach wont get a chance to rest.

Breakfast & tea break

Lunch or dinner, Soup + Veg + Meat

Nannies/Helper

Nannies in this home were all experienced Chinese ladies who have been doing this job for years. We can communicate easily and they are friendly people who never fail to keep you entertained. That's important to mummies! They are willing to share the know-how. That was how i observed and went thru a crash course handling new born in the ABC way. No trial & error. All you need to do is to ASK and LEARN from them humbly. The ratio ; 1 nanny : 3 babies. One thing i really love about this place was i get to be in the nursery anytime i want, to be near to my baby and to be able to observe how he was handled.

Top Confinement Homes in Penang (as of Aug 2012)

• Jia Yi Confinement Home 
• De Garden Confinement Home
• I-Confinement Home

Some of the criteria in considering a confinement home

1. Experience of the nannies. Local or Foreigner.
2. Environment for baby. What is the nanny baby ratio. How is the nursery set-up, cleanliness, accessibility.    (Note : You do not want to be at a home where you have no idea how they handle your baby. Not by hear say. You need to visual the process)
3. Food
4. Environment for mama
5. Within your budget

My Pregnancy

We have been married for 9 years. Not trying hard enough these years and finally when I was hoping so much for it, God sent his direction.

Here we go. One time IVF attempt and i conceived. It wasn't a pleasant journey through out the IVF process and trust me, i will not do it again for the 2nd time. I can still remember how much stress (reminding myself to be calm & relax all the time) from the injections, tests, scans, procedures....

I can never forget the day i got the result. It was 11 days after the transfer of embryos. Those 11 days were like 20 years!! I was sitting beside  "Dr. House" (this is how i named my gynea), alone. Frankly, i did not feel pregnant and i've prepared myself for the worst. Telling myself it's ok and my next question for Dr. House after he shared the news " So Doc, when can i start again?? One last try."   (I was so calm !)

Dr. House   : Congratulations! Your report shows positive!
Me             :  What???  ...............  (Unable to response further)  Oh, ookk.... 
Dr. House  :  Come back on ddmmyy for check up.
Me             : OK.  Trying to smile and still could not accept the news!


Next Checkup

After the scanning. Btw, i really dislike the scanning. I felt I've been raped by machine many times !
Can't really recall exact conversation, something like this :

Dr. House  : Aiyahhh ....   Not good!  (while scanning)
Me            :  Is everything ok?   (Scare liao la!!..)
Dr. House  : Looks like twins! Ya.. .. there are 2..
Me            : Oh !  (I was blank & excited the same time)  Why...
Dr. House  : (he was explaining something like,  he prefers singleton. twins is like considered unsuccessful - higher risk & complication )

Oooii, i was happy weeii ! That's what i've been hoping for. 1 time pregnant then close shop. Hub was shocked too! We both felt super excited, smiling happily walking out the clinic's door.

Twins leh!!  Of course happy right??

After awhile, I or rather we started to worry. I started to do some reading on twins, forward imagine the babies are here, the  amount of prep and work needed ........   everything doubled! Oh no,,,  double leh......

We started slowly working towards it. First thing first was to get a nanny. Was lucky and God just sent us to the right nanny at the first time. Blessed.

Went through many check-up. Privates & Government.

In one of my check-up, Dr. House told us i was actually conceived with 3 embryos. (He transferred 4)

However, only 2 growing well.

I was super kiasu during that period. Dr. House was like Dr. HouseMD. Smart but weird.  I need more information thus i went back to my old gynea for check ups. She did a wonderful job. I was under close monitoring. My 2 embryos were growing at a slight different rate. 

Unfortunately, in my 3rd month, one of the fetuses stopped growing. It was kind a sad news. With all the worries after knowing it was twins, we have prepared mentally and happily waiting for the babies. Most of the IVF under Dr. House mostly a good mix of a boy & a girl. That's what i've been longing for.  Dr. House confirmed it was then singleton and the fact he was glad to find that the placenta of the live fetus was at the bottom of the womb and the placenta of the dead fetus was at the top.  Dr. House remained cool over all the checkups. Maybe he has seen too much and there's no need to create more panic for a pregnant woman.

Same time i continued my check up at both private & gov hospital. Meaning 3 specialist!!  I need information, i need to know every single progress of my baby. Cannot afford to lose this battle. So, be more kiasu, take all necessary precautions.

Dr. House
Private B
Gov Hosp

The reason why i was referred to the Specialist in Gov Hosp as it was a special pregnancy.

• Placenta Previa 
• Carrying a dead fetus
• Gestational Diabetes

I was under good hands of the doctors. This will be a cesarean delivery. I can only consider natural birth if the placenta moves up towards the end of the pregnancy.

This kiasu mummy, advised from kiasu doctor (Private B), obediently followed.

• Traveling ban
• No Chinese Herbs intake (donggui, even bak kut teh etc)
• No Sex
• Avoid carry heavy stuff
• Avoid heavy duty activities ~ oh, finally hub helped to clean the house, wipe windows etc (muackss!)

I will be confined to bed if there's any blood spot !

At work, I reported back to branch. No more travelling.

Food - I was enjoying food until i was diagnosed with gestational diabetes.

Kiasu Gov. Hosp threaten should my sugar reading not improving, i will be admitted for monitoring or insulin jab. Oh.. NO!! Changed my diet and my diabetes went well controlled!  Of course, i did not gain pregnancy weight further but i lost some weight towards the end of my pregnancy.

Gained 8-9 kgs through out my pregnancy and i lost them 2 month post delivery!!  :)   secret ? - breastfeeding


It was a tough decision over my delivery too!

Dr. House   : Cheaper. However hubby is not allowed to be in the operating theater
Private B    : Most expensive. Hubby allowed in unless emergency. You will be treated like VIP
Gov. Hosp : Cheapest. Dr. Specialist cannot promise she will be butchering me. Depending on my luck if she's around. Else, normal doctor.

Finally we chosed Dr. House.  HOWEVER, during my last 2 checkup. Dr. House informed he ceased deliveries/operations (license expired -not renewing). Ooppss...  why so last minute??     Well, he needs to specialize in what he's great at.  Ok.. lor...  sigh

We need to make another pick over gyneas in that hospital.

So, 1 month prior my due, i met Dr. Nice.  He is easy to discuss with and he gave me an option at the very last minute if I wanted to try natural birth.  I was so prepared with C-sec and no way i'm going to make a new decision now. Afterall, i wanted to delivery my baby on the first available date due to THE un-bearable constipation. Worst in life!

Finally, i picked a real nice date, for the Chinese. :)   Easy to remember. Just a few days before our wedding anniversary. Not clashing with the mid July thingy..(chinese calendar)

I wanted things to be over, fast and easy. No long fasting, means the doc will butchered me first thing in the morning.

Finally, the long waited date arrived. Above scan taken a week prior delivery date.

A day before delivery, I pampered myself with a nice pedicure, ate/drink what i like *forget about the diet watch*, get my car/house cleaned, arranged the maid for house cleaning when i was away at the confinement home etc etc.

One last event which i can remember was, hub left me alone having my last dinner night before. He was busy with business. I was hoping for good candlelight dinner for the celebration before i starts ginger buffets, turned out to be a non desirable night. (=_=)  tsk!! tsk!!

My baby finally arrived. I prayed very hard that he will be a healthy and a normal baby. No complications and no last minute surprises.

God is Great. We are blessed and our prayers answered.

Things i love about my pregnancy :-

• Hub helped out housework
• Having Economy rice @ 12am ,  McDonald @ 4am with my semi drunk hub. He's loving when he's half drunk. Love his gentleness but not his drunkenness
• Hub followed me to most of the check-ups. He was so involved with our baby
•  I get to decide what to eat over meals
• My baby moving inside me