The Blues

 2nd month post delivery

When you need to cope with so many things/changes, at times you need to make some choices and sacrifices.

Prioritise what is most important and at that period was my baby & myself.

Hubby and the rest have been downgraded totally.

Not ideal but it was a choice for survival.

I believe this is a journey and parenthood is something we must embrace once our little one arrives. Everyone goes thru the same process and i just have to love doing it well.

You need to be selfless, continue to learn and expand your wings for your baby.

I was being told about Post Natal Depression & Baby Blues.

I monitored myself closely and keep evaluating IF I'm having it?

Until today, i believe NO as i was very cautious about it.

One thing which I am still not sure.
Verbally i shouted at my hubby I hate him

I was filled with anger towards him and my tears flow easily.

He was not fulfilling the expectations of a hubby & a daddy at that moment.
I hope to be appreciated , to be loved, to be defended and to be assisted without asking.
Guessed he was just as stressed due to the sudden change.

I want him to take ownership of our child, our family. To help around the house and not continue to depend on my mother in law.
It was his time, his responsibility and not others.

So, I hate him came from hormone or simple facts??

(Can never explain how hurtful it was to me as well)

Motherhood is tiring. Especially if you are breastfeeding your child.

The physical work itself is not difficult. It's the pro-longed broken sleep kills!

When my baby was on a 3 hourly feed, my sleep was never more than 2.5 hours straight.

You need to calculate the time used for washing & expressing milk.

Baby J has been bottle fed ebm since 1st month. This will ease the process when i send him to baby sitter and he will not need to re-adjust and that process can be painful to certain baby.

I found it much easier and faster to bottle feed ebm to Baby J than direct feed.

I just need to find the best way that works for myself.

I slept whenever i can. Housework & tidiness are the lowest priorities.
Hubby has made it clear he will not do night feed. He has to work.
It's alright since i'm not working.

My mum visited and stayed for a week with me. Miss her homecook food.

Have always been for the past 15 years since the day i left home. I'm such a fussy pot when it comes to home cook food.
It's not that I'm a good cook. I cant really cook!

Her cooking spoilt me.

Guess it's the same for everyone to love their mum's cooking! 

One thing i learnt was to enjoy frozen food!

I'm so grateful to my aunties continued to care and to cook for me.

When you do not have the luxury to enjoy hot food from the wok, frozen home cook food tasted equally delicious & satisfying.

Stew meat, soup, anything that can be frozen, i kept them spared.

I'm a blessed child and i cannot complain further.

I have a full of love mother in law who is our neighbour.

She puts in a lot of effort in preparing food for me. Since i need to consume a lot of protein for milk production, she prepared fish or kampung chicken daily.

Lunch and dinner were ready before she left for work.

To make things easier, i kept half of the food as dinner and reheat it when necessary.

You just need to adjust and make do with whatever convenient and easy during this period.

Picked my battle.
Personally i think it's alright as i'm not able to fulfill everyone's need.

Overall a good month for me and i'm falling in love with motherhood.